


The Orgy-verse

by Xparrot



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Ficlet Collection, Multi, Nakama, OT5, Polyamory, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-23
Updated: 2005-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-19 14:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/201973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/Xparrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Luffy captains a very <i>friendly</i> ship. Much to Usopp's dismay. (At first, anyway...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aerobics

**Author's Note:**

> I've often said that one of the problems I have with Luffy pairings is that if he's going to be sexing up one of his nakama, he's going to be sexing up all of them. So. Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [onepieceyaoi100](http://onepieceyaoi100.livejournal.com/), topic "exhaustion".
> 
> I don't really write actual yaoi for OP. In part because if I did, this would invariably be the result.

"Zoro~! Get up!"

Zoro swatted at the breath tickling his cheek, kept his eyes firmly shut. "Y'said you'd lemme sleep," he mumbled, ignoring the prodding against his side. As well as certain other places.

The damn cook's kick was quite a bit less gentle. "We did. For a whole thirty minutes. Geddup!"

Sighing, Zoro forced open one eye. Sanji was contorted in interesting ways to apply his toes to Zoro's temple while not disturbing Nami, reclining with her head on Sanji's stomach, the cook's long fingers idly playing in her hair. That silky auburn contrasted warmly with the smooth pale planes of his belly, but Zoro couldn't find the strength to reach out his hand and enjoy those textures.

"Zo~ro~," Luffy said again, then flattened his whole bare, supple length against Zoro, and wriggled.

"L-luffy," he groaned--and dammit, for an idiot his captain had mastered _that_ art all too friggin' well--and some parts of Zoro were not nearly as exhausted as they should be--"it's already been...uh..."

"Five hours," Nami supplied, then squeaked as Luffy rolled off Zoro onto her, grinning.

"Zoro's up," he announced proudly. "And dawn's hours away, it's not even light out yet! Isn't that great?"

About which Zoro lacked the energy--and, after a moment, the inclination--to disagree.

Half an hour later, Sanji flopped down beside him, flushed and sweating. "And to think I used to wonder why you nap all the damn time," he growled in Zoro's ear. "Tomorrow night, we're getting that long-nosed bastard in here. Screw fidelity to that girl of his, this is a matter of _survival_."

Zoro grunted agreement, rolled over and went to sleep.


	2. All in Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Everybody's favorite long-nosed sharpshooter. Yes, _everybody's_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The management is not responsible for any brain breakage which may occur.

## First Try

Sanji went first. Following dinner, while Usopp did dishes, the cook prepared a tray, then prowled to his crewmate by the sink. "Hey."

"Hmm?"

"Thought you might like dessert." Dipping the spoon into the mousse, he glided it into Usopp's mouth so smoothly the younger man had no chance to duck.

"San—" Usopp's eyes widened, first as Sanji's hand brushed his cheek as it withdrew, and then at the mouthful. The dish he was scrubbing fell and shattered in the sink. Swallowing—slow and deep, savoring every flavor of cream and chocolate sliding down his tongue, he licked up the last traces, then gasped, "Sanji—that—so good—you made it for Nami?"

"Nami-san will get some later," Sanji purred. "But you like it?"

"Yes!"

"I'm glad." The cook's next spoonful was eagerly accepted. Usopp, lips closing around the silver and eyes closed in appreciation, didn't jerk back when Sanji's fingers traced a line down his neck, though his spine stiffened.

"Only one bite left," Sanji murmured, apologetically. Then, "Whoops," as the spoon flipped from his hand and splashed into the dishwater. "Guess we can't use that anymore."

"But there's a clean spoon right—" Sanji's mousse-dipped finger slid into Usopp's mouth, silencing him. Then Sanji's lips were against his neck, nibbling like he was made of chocolate himself.

"I'll be making more tonight," Sanji breathed in his ear, "if you'd care to join us," and he sealed their mouths together, tight enough that there was the faint pop of a broken vacuum when Usopp shoved them apart.

"Thanks—no thanks!" he squeaked, and scrambled out of the kitchen.

Sanji exhaled hard, dropping down to the floor, the tray rattling beside him. He touched his lips, blinking at the lingering tastes. "Well, damn," he said, and lit a cigarette.

 

* * *

## The Next Day

"So, no luck."

The cook smoked furiously. "Long-nosed bastard."

"Maybe he likes girls."

" _I_ like girls!" Sanji protested.

Zoro snorted. "Yeah, sure sounded like it last night, when Luffy was on top of you...so that shrieking about hearts and stars and—"

"Shut up!!"

"Another girl would be fun," Nami said thoughtfully.

"Yes! Nami-san likes girls too, then?"

Nami considered it. "Pretty ones, sure. Wouldn't mind trying it."

"Nami-san is so open to new experiences!"

"But since there aren't any others onboard," Nami said, stretching in ways calculated to pop Sanji's eyeballs from their sockets, "I guess this needs a woman's touch."

Usopp disagreed, however, shying back as if she were sweating hydrochloric acid when she offered a massage. "Not you, too—I'm okay with it, really...with a pillow over my head I hardly hear anything, but—"

Nami squeezed onto the workbench beside him, thigh to thigh. "Why not? Because they're guys?"

"N-no." Usopp sidled back from that heat, the supple give of her flesh against his. "I mean—I'm not really gay, but Sanji's...er—and Zoro—and Luffy's just..."

"Then stop using that girl as an excuse—"

"Kaya's not an excuse!" His glare was so furious she pulled away, and his eyes dropped, angry flush transmuting to a blush. "I never told her, but, I really hope, someday...she and I..."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Nami, studying his face, smiled. "Aww, Usopp, that's so sweet!"

He glanced at her, then quickly away from the warm sparkle in her eyes. "Then you'll..."

"But that's someday, and you're here now," Nami continued cheerfully. "And what does Kaya have that I don't?" She leaned over to make her point—two of them, pressed all too cozily against him. "Or Sanji, if it's the blondes—"

Usopp locked himself in the bathroom that night.

 

* * *

## And After That

"Your turn, swordsman."

"Though if he really doesn't want to—"

"He wants to, Nami-san."

"You mean, _you_ want him to."

Sanji exhaled a long, wistful curl of smoke. "And you don't?"

"Mmm...you know what they say about men with big noses..."

"So, get to it, Zoro."

Zoro opened one eye. "How?"

"You're the strongest, right? We're not expecting romance, just hold him down and rape him."

"Er, Nami-san, are you sure that'd work?"

"It always does in my doujinshi. Up and at 'im, Zoro."

With a grunt like a suppressed sigh, Zoro stood and crossed the deck. Exchanging glances, Sanji and Nami followed.

Usopp, hearing Zoro's approaching footfalls as a drum beating the march to the gallows, looked frantically around the cabin, but there was nowhere to hide except behind the couch. Which was too close to the couch for comfort. Luffy, napping on the figurehead, would be too far away to hear his screams. He wondered how much it would take before he broke down and cried.

The door opened, and Usopp froze, like a rabbit trying to be invisibly still on a highway.

"So," Zoro asked, "You want to join us tonight?"

"Umm...no?"

Zoro turned to the two behind him. "He doesn't."

"So," Nami made shooing motions, "get with the raping!"

"Wait, I don't wanna—!"

"Don't worry, it'll be fun."

"Especially for us," Sanji agreed.

"But..." Usopp could only stare despairingly at Zoro's broad chest and perfectly toned biceps, imagining the tiger-like way he would lunge, the hot grip of those powerful hands around his wrists, forcing him to the floor...

But Zoro didn't move, only shook his head. "No."

Nami and Sanji glared. "You're just—"

"—giving up?" Usopp finished hopefully.

"I'm going to ask Luffy to do it."

Usopp gave up and sobbed.

 

* * *

## The Captain's Turn

Of everything in the world that terrified Usopp, the worst was the label 'coward'. So rather than waiting for Luffy to come to him, he girded his loins and marched into the lion's den. Or to the sheep's head, as it were.

He nearly lost his nerve when Luffy cheerfully hollered, "Usopp!" But before he could run, Luffy bounced off the figurehead and stretched a friendly arm around Usopp's quivering shoulders. "Zoro wanted me to ask you, tonight—"

"No." To his pride, his voice didn't crack. At least not on the first syllable. "I really really don't, not at all. Just leave me alone, especially at night, please don't make me—"

"Oh." Luffy withdrew his arm. "If you don't want to, never mind."

"You don't... _want_ me?" Usopp asked, torn between hope and... _something else_.

Which was promptly shredded when Luffy said, "'Course I do! I have always. But if you don't want to—you can't make someone want something." He shouted across the ship, "Hey guys, leave Usopp alone now, okay? He doesn't want to."

Which was just what he wanted. Except something in the way Luffy said it, in how his hat was shadowing his eyes, made Usopp stammer, quite without meaning to, "It's not that I don't—it's not you. It's just, I don't like sharing a bed, and Zoro snores, and there's Kaya—"

"Usopp." Luffy grinned at him. "It's okay. 'Sides, there's other ways to do it."

"...Other ways?" Usopp wondered how many locks he should install on the cabin door.

"Yeah," Luffy said, "though they're not as fun. But some are easier. Like this," and he rocked onto his toes to put his mouth to Usopp's ear. Usopp flinched back, but all he felt was the warmth of Luffy's breath, whispering, " _I love you._ "

 

* * *

## It's Over

"So that's it?"

"Captain's orders," Zoro said, shrugging. "He'll do what's right."

"We did leave it up to him," Nami said.

"What kind of shit orders are those?" Sanji growled. "Just because he likes a girl? How's that right? _I_ like girls!"

"So? I like guys."

"I like sleep."

They looked at him. Zoro sighed. "Fine. I like Luffy. And sleep."

"And sleeping with Luffy."

"Not that you actually get _sleep_ , with Luffy."

"And how."

"The point here is that we're all going to die early deaths, because of that selfish bastard."

"You know," Nami remarked, "if you just told him 'no,' Luffy would listen."

Sanji, teeth locked around his cigarette, didn't reply, even when Nami's hand slipped under his collar to rub his shoulder.

"Stupid cook," Zoro muttered, took the cigarette out of Sanji's mouth and replaced it with his tongue.

Some minutes later, Sanji inhaled deeply from another cigarette, slumping against an equally breathless Nami. "It's still stupid," he muttered. "We're going to be here on the Grand Line for who knows how long, he's going to get lonely. And when we go back, Luffy would just ask his damn girl in anyway. So why can't we—"

"Hey, shut up," Zoro said, pointing to the cabin porthole, "and look outside."

They did.

Usopp wasn't sure where his other crewmates were, and was positive he didn't want to know. He also wasn't sure how Luffy had managed to doze off with his head in Usopp's lap, but he was unwilling to wake him, and it was comfortable sitting here in the warm sun. He pushed back the straw hat so the brim wouldn't get crumpled, soft black hair tickling the back of his hand.

He could almost hear that whisper still, as if it were continuing to vibrate in his ear—maybe because he was a liar, that such simple honesty rang so pure. And the way he had smiled when he said it... Usopp smiled himself, looking down at the head resting on his knee. Luffy slept with the same reckless, trusting abandon with which he did everything else. Watching the dreaming flutter of his eyelashes, his hand folded under the slender slope of his neck, something stirred in Usopp, almost painful.

But it was all over now; he'd told him honestly, and Luffy understood. He had nothing more to worry about.

He leaned down, until his nose was against Luffy's cheek, sea-scented and smooth, whispered, "Thank you."

And Luffy's wide eyes opened. "Gotcha!" he grinned, and turned his head to bring their mouths together.

Usopp retained his senses just long enough to realize that his other crewmates had returned from...wherever, and Zoro was saying something that sounded a lot like a smug, "There, I told you so," and then Luffy's arms were around him and Luffy's hands were against his skin and Usopp decided that he had nothing to worry about after all.

Which was good, because honestly, it was much too late for that.


	3. One of Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [onepieceyaoi100](http://onepieceyaoi100.livejournal.com/), topic "Pain". Not written as a prequel to the Orgyverse, but thematically related.
> 
> I am so cheating on this topic. Mainly because if I did physical pain, I'd probably just beat on Sanji more, and the ASPCC would come after me for excessive cruelty to cooks.
> 
> I put Inner Universe on loop, 5 times through, to write this. I should know better...

Tell yourself it doesn't hurt, looking at him.

He's younger, he's smaller, he looks like a goddamn kid, with those eyes so big and dark and wide, and the hair always mussed under the hat.

He's not innocent, you know. You've seen him fight, his blood is red, and you know he could kill if he had to, and would without blinking. Nothing shocks him, not the worst pirate, not the most brutal monster. This wouldn't either. Cover his mouth with yours, press him down and feel him move against you, trap those long limbs under yours and slide yourself against that slender body. Hard and soft, muscle and flesh and bone, not quite like any you've touched before. You know how it feels; you've dragged him from the depths before, and he's thrown an arm around you, leaned against you, casually. He's like that.

He's stronger than you, but you could. He'd let you, if you wanted.

If he knew you wanted.

But then, if it were any of you, he would open those arms as fast. Even now he's grinning with the others, laughing that idiot's laugh. He catches your eye, grinning, and you smile back, because there's no choice, not when he's beaming like that.

Tell yourself it doesn't hurt, to not be the only one to win that smile, to be not _him_ but _one of them_ , and nothing more.

Keep smiling, and you'll even start to believe it.


	4. As These Things Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strange but true: I can't write angst when I'm in a bad mood. Orgyverse prequel of sorts.

This, he wants to say, was not really his choice; it happened, as these things happen, on a cold night, and a lonely watch, gazing out over the dark water with only the smoky ghosts of his cigarettes for company. Then Luffy was there, not asking for food, just his warmth, leaning sleepily against his shoulder.

And then it was more. And how did that happen, because he knows he likes girls, and Luffy likes practically everybody, or nobody, depending on your point of view. But his mouth doesn't taste like rubber; it's sea-salty but somehow sweet too, and he's laughing at Sanji's face. No one laughs like Luffy, that totally heartfelt. For all that purity of joy, it's not a child's laugh; these aren't a child's hands and this isn't a child's body. Dimly he knows why this isn't new to Luffy, why Luffy can be as sure in this as he is in everything he does--but he doesn't think about it, the last thing he wants to think of _now_ is that damn swordsman--

Who's here, up in the crow's nest, and Sanji chokes in shock. They're under the blanket but it might as well be transparent, the way Zoro's eyes trace over them, their matched curves under the covers. Sanji feels sick to his stomach--not with fear, but like a trespasser who barely noticed he was trampling sacred ground. As long as he's known this crew, from the very beginning, it was always Zoro and Luffy, and even if he's never _known_ he's always guessed.

The sky's gray with the coming sunrise and they should have been more--careful, only Zoro would have seen anyway, he realizes now. _I didn't want--_ he tries to say, but the lie of it sticks in his throat. There's no anger in Zoro's expression; maybe it's something beyond anger, maybe even that same sick broken feeling, and it is truth that this he never wanted--

Luffy beside him uncurls, blinks hazily at his swordsman in the predawn silence.

Then grins, the same grin as ever, no apology, no guilt. "Zoro," he says, and lifts the blanket, so the wind chills their bare skin, "it'll be lots warmer with you!"

And Zoro sighs, and crawls under, on Sanji's other side.

And maybe there's nothing he needs to say, because Luffy, as usual, is right. It's much warmer, like this.


	5. Taking Turns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [onepieceyaoi100](http://onepieceyaoi100.livejournal.com/), topic "Seme Usopp".
> 
> Bogglingly OOC - meanwhile, off in the OP sexiverse, where we all know what the 'O' really means...

Drowsing in the hold, Zoro awoke to hands against his chest, tracing pleasing patterns as they slowly, sweetly drifted down--

He realized that sure touch was unfamiliar at exactly the same time the hands did, freezing over the scar and jerking back with a muffled curse.

Zoro blinked in the dark. "Usopp?"

A distinct, loud gulp answered. "Z-zoro?"

"What are you doing?"

"I thought--er--we'd--that is, Luffy--"

"Luffy's grocery shopping with the cook." Hence the hold, for when Sanji came to restock.

"Oh."

Zoro waited, but only heard Usopp's boots, clumping in the wrong direction. "Where you going?"

"Um--"

"Since they're not back yet, we could make do."

"!"

"What?"

"Er--not that I--but I was ready--" Usopp's face was generally too tan to blush, but Zoro could _hear_ his blood rising in the darkness. "Tonightwasmyturnontop."

Zoro inserted the proper spaces into that mumble, and frowned. "So what's the problem?"

A pause followed.

"Wait, you and Luffy--"

"Wait, you and Sanji--"

...

"He really enjoys it either way," Usopp said, finally. "So we switch."

"What's it like?"

"But you--"

"I didn't know. That he liked it. Like that."

"Oh. It's...he's...it's something. But you--er--Sanji...you really let him, _too_?"

" _Let_ him?" Zoro frowned. "He's good at it."

"Isn't he?"

"But don't tell the stupid cook. So, you going to?"

"--Going to?" Usopp stumbled in the dark.

"Show me what the captain really enjoys." Finally his crewmate was close enough to grab a fistful of overalls and drag him further in.

"Uh--they'll get back soon--" But that voiced hesitation was directly contradicted by the certainty of those large artist's hands against his skin again.

"So?" Zoro grinned, arching his back so that touch slid lower. "I'm sure they can entertain themselves."


	6. Bottoms Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: ZULS (LUZS? SLUZ?)

Men on the high seas, sailing with only their shipmates for weeks at a time, will get up to all manner of things, sooner or later. It was anyone's guess how this particular topic had arisen, however, since Nami hadn't even been with them in the galley.

"Maybe not in the world. But on this ship, damn straight!" Sanji said, flicking ash emphatically.

"How would you even know?" Zoro demanded. "It's not like you can test yourself."

"Process of elimination. I know I'm better than _you_ , shit swordsman. Just lying there, not lifting a finger--a little resistance spices things up, you know. It'd be more fun sticking it in an actual cabbage!

"And Luffy--not to say that rubber doesn't have its uses, but one can be overly flexible. Too stretchy."

"What about--"

"Don't say Chopper. Too furry."

"Usopp."

"Did someone mention Captain Usopp?" Usopp interjected, swaggering into the galley.

"There's no contest."

"How come you say that like you know?" Sanji asked suspiciously.

"Of course there's no contest! Best in the world! Pirates used to come to me from miles around, just to experience it for themselves! ...What are we talking about, again?"

For all their bickering, when called for Sanji and Zoro could act in perfect synchronization, moving like extensions of the same body. "Only one way to decide this," Sanji declared.

Zoro nodded and grabbed Usopp.

"I'll get Luffy," and Sanji headed out the door.

"Zoro?" Usopp asked, trying to extricate himself, unsuccessfully. Zoro knew exactly how much force was needed to keep him in place without hurting him. Which wasn't, in truth, that much; if Zoro only needed one hand to hold him, it left the other free...

"Don't worry," Zoro rumbled in his ear. "You'll come out of this with bragging rights, guaranteed."


End file.
